Self-talk to Counter Abuse
The words we say to ourselves have a powerful impact on our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Our words can bring us down or uplift us, so it is very important to speak to ourselves in empowering ways. Abuse by a partner so often involves blaming, demeaning, condemning words being directed at us. Naturally this erodes our self-esteem.
When we are subject to ongoing abuse the danger is that we start to believe these destructive words. If our partner is disrespecting or abusing us it is vital we do not internalize these messages or we may find ourselves beginning to speak to ourselves the same way. Instead, we need to consciously develop our own inner dialogue to counteract these harmful words and actions.
Here are some affirming statements you can say to yourself to strengthen your resilience:
I have the right to a safe, peaceful life.
I don't deserve this.
This behavior is wrong.
I refuse to accept what is being said.
I can survive no matter what.
No one has the right to threaten my emotional or physical safety.
I have ways to calm down and protect myself.
I refuse to believe the critical, nasty things my partner says about me.
I give myself the kindness, appreciation, and care I need.
I am committed to myself.
I see disrespect and abuse for what it is, an unfair attack against me.
I am a person of value.
I have the power to protect myself.
I trust myself to care for and protect me.
I believe in myself.
My partner’s hurtful behavior is not my fault. I refuse to take the blame for it.
I take active steps to protect myself from my partner’s abuse.
I keep my thoughts, plans, options, opinions, and intentions to myself.
Unfortunately, affirmations won’t make your partner take responsibility for his destructive behavior. Nor will they make him back-off, be genuinely remorseful, seek help, or change. What affirmations will do is focus your thinking on supporting yourself, help you to prioritize your own care and safety, encourage you to believe in yourself, remind you of your rights, and strengthen you to take action on your own behalf. As such affirmations are powerful tools when it comes to reclaiming our life from our partner’s abuse.
The hurtful words and actions of a partner take a toll. These affirmations may help us to withstand disrespect and abuse for longer but if the abuse continues to escalate it is important to be continually weighing up the cost, questioning the viability of the relationship, considering our options, and making plans to move on to a healthier, safer future.
© Copyright Kay Douglas.
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- Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?