14 Strategies to Keep Yourself Safe from an Abusive Partner
Safety is a primary concern when we are living with destructive behavior. Women are sometimes caught by surprise when they wrongly assume they are safer than they actually are.
Abuse usually escalates over time. It may begin with shouting, progress to breaking furniture and punching holes in the wall and progress further to physical violence. Please don’t underestimate the dangers.
If you are scared for your safety and/or that of your children, that is no way to live. You have the right to a safe, violence-free life. Seek help. Here are some community resources you can turn to.
Meanwhile, here are some suggestions to help you to keep safe.
Work out a practical and comprehensive safety plan with a domestic violence advocate.
Figure out how you will get out of the house, where you will go in an emergency and how you will get there.
Tell the neighbors about your partner’s abuse and ask them to phone the police if they see or hear anything of concern.
Hide a spare set of house and car keys somewhere safe in case you have to leave suddenly.
Keep the car filled with fuel and park it where you can make a fast getaway.
Program the phone numbers for the police and local Women's Shelter into your phone.
Keep a bag of essential items with a friend or family member. Include passports, marriage and birth certificates, banking details, important documents, medication, cash, ATM and credit cards, legal papers, small precious items like photos or jewelry, spare clothes and spare keys for the car and house.
Arrange with family or friends to have a code word you will use to alert them to phone the police.
Work out the safest room in the house to go to if your partner is becoming violent. Ideally, this will have an outside door and not contain any things that can be used as weapons.
Listen to your instincts. Recognize when you are feeling unsafe and leave the house as soon as possible if you can.
Have some excuses ready so you can leave the house if you sense danger.
If your partner’s mood is dangerous, deescalate things as much as you can, even if I have to go along with what he wants.
If you are in immediate danger be prepared to act quickly and call the police if necessary.
If you are not able to speak to the operator, leave the phone out of sight so she/he can listen and send help.
Each situation is different. Spend some time reflecting on this list and think about your situation. Add extra safety strategies to this list that you think will be beneficial in your personal situation.
Take no chances with your safety. You deserve to have peace and calm.
© Copyright Kay Douglas.
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“. . . the most supportive, realistic, and practical guide for abused women that I have encountered. Outstanding!"
- Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?