50 Things a Gaslighting Partner May Say That Can Drive Us Crazy
Words can be powerful weapons. When destructive words are used against us repeatedly and relentlessly, we can soon begin to second-guess ourselves and doubt our own intentions, behaviors, and insights.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation used to make a person question his or her reality. Gaslighting can make people doubt the validity of their thoughts, memories, and experiences.
Gaslighting involves using wrongful accusations, giving distorted messages, and lying, in a deliberate attempt to make someone question, and doubt, their own perception of reality. Over time this has a debilitating effect on the recipient, which gives the gaslighter the upper hand.
Gaslighting invites us into conflict. When someone unjustly accuses us, we feel compelled to explain, reason, or put the record straight. But engaging with gaslighting is a no-win scenario. The gaslighter has an endless stream of half-truths and lies at his or her disposal. We may argue, reason, explain, and plead, but the gaslighter remains adamant that his or her version of the truth is reality.
These 50 statements are all designed to confuse us, twist the truth, and shift responsibility for harmful behavior away from the gaslighting person.
1. You're oversensitive. You get upset over nothing
2. You're making this up. It’s all in your head.
3. You're so insecure.
4. You're the cause of all the relationship problems. Not me!
5. You have a very vivid imagination. You're always imagining things.
6. I never did anything wrong.
7. You're being a drama queen.
8. You have big issues. You’re damaged.
9. You’ve got nothing to complain about; stop playing the victim.
10. You're jumping to conclusions.
11. It isn’t my fault you’ve got yourself all stressed out.
12. You’re the only person that behaves like this.
13. You're sick in the head. You're crazy!
14. You made me do it.
15. You're not making any sense. You're being completely irrational.
16. I was only joking; you can’t take a joke.
17. You're telling lies again.
18. You’re the abusive one in this relationship.
19. This is all your fault.
20. You're deliberately trying to confuse me and do my head in.
21. I know you better than you know yourself.
22. You’re putting words into my mouth; I never said that.
23. No one else would want you, the way you carry on.
24. You need help. You’re sick in the head.
25. You're the only person I have problems with. Everyone else thinks I'm a great guy.
26. You have never spoken to me about this issue before.
27. That's not what happened.
28. You're deliberately making trouble by bringing up the past.
29. You’re always twisting things.
30. I deserve a lot more than what you're offering me.
31. You’re overreacting. Nothing happened.
32. You keep changing your story. I’m totally confused.
33. You're ruining our relationship.
34. You keep talking about the past just to deliberately bring me down.
35. No one will ever love you as much as I do.
36. You're just being paranoid.
37. I'm doing this for your own good.
38. I don’t believe a word you say because it is all lies.
39. If you changed, we would have a good relationship.
40. You're making a big deal out of nothing.
41. No one likes you. Everyone knows you are trouble.
42. You’re deliberately pushing my buttons.
43. I only want what's best for you.
44. You’re making things up and you know it.
45. You're blowing things out of proportion.
46. I can do better elsewhere.
47. You've been spreading lies about me.
48. Look at the way you're behaving; you’re mad.
49. If you can’t recall our conversation, there’s something seriously wrong with you.
50. You're lying. I never said that!
As you read this list it is easy to get a sense of just how overwhelming and debilitating these toxic messages can become. These statements are often delivered so forcefully that there is little room for disagreement or stating the truth.
Add to these toxic statements: contradictory stories, false accusations, provocative half-truths, vehement denials, and gob-smacking lies, and you have a situation that would reduce most people to a state of frustrated confusion and self-doubt.
No wonder we can begin to feel like we are going crazy.
The truth is we are not crazy, but we are being driven into a highly anxious, confused state that will impact our ability to function well in our day-to-day lives.
To protect ourselves, it is vital to see these statements for what they are… Lies! Absolute lies!
We need to resist any temptation to engage with these gaslighting messages and stand as strong as possible in our own truth at all times.
© Copyright Kay Douglas.
OTHER BLOG POSTS
“. . . the most supportive, realistic, and practical guide for abused women that I have encountered. Outstanding!"
- Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?